A Parent’s Guide to Sibling Rivalry
Kids Development

A Parent’s Guide to Sibling Rivalry

Aug 31, 2023


Sibling rivalry, a common phenomenon in many families, is often marked by competition, jealousy, and conflicts between siblings. While a certain degree of it is normal and can contribute to social skill development, excessive rivalry may lead to a hostile home environment and impact children’s well-being. This article provides insights into sibling rivalry and offers practical tips for managing it effectively.

Understanding the Causes of Sibling Rivalry:

Differences in Age and Developmental Stages: The age difference and varying developmental phases can have a significant bearing on sibling relationships. Younger ones may feel eclipsed by the abilities of their older siblings, whereas elder siblings might harbour resentment due to the attention given to the younger ones.

Struggle for Parental Attention and Affection: A common cause of sibling rivalry is the competition for their parents’ attention and affection. This becomes particularly noticeable in families where parents inadvertently exhibit favouritism.

Impact of Birth Order and Sibling Position: A child’s position in the sibling sequence can influence their experiences and relationships. Firstborns might feel displaced with the arrival of a new sibling, those in the middle may feel neglected, and the youngest might face difficulties asserting their individuality.

Contrast in Personalities: The rivalry between siblings can intensify due to contrasting personalities and diverging interests. For instance, a reserved, introverted child might feel antagonised by an extroverted sibling who is more outgoing, or the other way round.”

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The Effects of Sibling Rivalry on Children:

Psychological Effect: Continuous disagreements between siblings may lead to feelings of anxiety, irritability, and bitterness, resulting in psychological unease.

Effect on Confidence: Frequent instances of sibling rivalry can negatively affect a child’s self-confidence, particularly if they constantly contrast their abilities with their siblings and feel inadequate.

Behavioural Consequences: Regular bouts of sibling rivalry can give rise to behavioural challenges such as hostility, stubbornness, and social withdrawal. These behavioural difficulties may not be confined to the family environment but could spill over into their social interactions and academic performance.

Influence on Future Relations: The persistence of sibling rivalry could put a strain on the relationship between siblings, possibly culminating in strained or distant relations in their adult life.”

Tips for Managing Sibling Rivalry:

  • Promote Uniqueness: Each child possesses their distinct talents and hobbies. Appreciate these differences and encourage their individual pursuits. Refrain from drawing comparisons among siblings, as it can spur competitiveness and adversely affect their self-confidence. 
  • Offer Balanced Attention: Make sure to divide your attention and affection equally among your children. Strive to spend quality time individually with each child, helping to allay any feelings of partiality. 
  • Stimulate Collaborative Spirit: Advocate for cooperative activities that necessitate teamwork, like playing team games or partaking in household tasks together. This encourages a sense of shared responsibility and mutual understanding. 
  • Establish Firm Rules: Clearly define what is considered unacceptable behaviour, such as physical aggression, verbal abuse, or bullying. Consistently implementing these rules promotes respect and thoughtfulness among siblings. 
  • Impart Conflict Resolution Skills: Prepare your children with the necessary tools to handle disagreements positively. Teach them the importance of voicing their emotions calmly, actively listening to others’ perspectives, and finding middle ground in conflicts. 
  • Exhibit Appropriate Behaviour: Show them how to resolve conflicts in a healthy manner through your actions. Children tend to mimic the behaviours they see in their parents. So, set a good example by managing your disagreements in a respectful and peaceful manner. 

    You can transform sibling rivalry into a positive experience, promoting personal growth and strengthening the bond between siblings in your family. Remember, the aim is not to eliminate disagreements but to teach your children how to handle them in a respectful and considerate way, a vital life skill.


Sibling rivalry is an inevitable part of family life, reflecting the complexities of sibling relationships. However, as parents, it is important to manage this rivalry constructively, allowing it to become a tool for social learning and character building rather than a source of constant discord. 

By understanding the causes, recognising the effects, and implementing strategies to foster a healthier sibling dynamic, parents can turn sibling rivalry into an opportunity for growth, ultimately strengthening the bond between siblings. Remember, your goal isn’t to eliminate rivalry but to teach your children how to handle conflict respectfully and empathetically, a skill they’ll carry with them throughout their lives.


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